Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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