bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Less talking, more tequila
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize