So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
