I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
