He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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