turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
