I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
