so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
