You're so nebulous sometimes
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
