now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize