It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
