I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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