Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
