Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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