remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
