If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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