don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
