Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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