whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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