Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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