I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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