i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
