Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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