My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
