i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
