My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
