she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
