ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
