So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
