does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
