So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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