I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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