this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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