Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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