and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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