Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
