he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
