considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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