I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
