in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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