he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
