I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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