I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
