I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
