I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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