I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
