evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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