I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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