At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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