i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
