you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
