Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize