she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
