i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
