Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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