I wish my penis had an off switch
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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