I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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