he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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