i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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