he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
