Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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