I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
