Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
