i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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