I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
