Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
