I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
