So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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