these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The ass gains better be worth it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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