this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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