when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
