I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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