He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize