my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
