it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
