he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
