It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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