if you like me you must not know who I am
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
