She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
