I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
