For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
