I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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