im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
