sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
