You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
