You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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