why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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