She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
