One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
