if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
