it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize