he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
