apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
