Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just found a bag of teeth...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
