Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
