I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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