my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
