your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
