she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
