Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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