he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
