I accidentally had phone sex last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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