She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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