so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you traded sex for a burrito?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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