You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize