it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
